I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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