did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I haven't been this sober since birth.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
