Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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