I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
