I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
