Duck Duck Cougar?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
