The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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