is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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