one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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