Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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