Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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