Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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