overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and she was petting her beer can
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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