She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
