Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
