don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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