In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
