made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize