Plan B is the new Plan A
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
