Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
