I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
