I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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