I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's shark week go big or go home
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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