I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
