At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize