No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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