Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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