if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
