He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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