I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
