There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
