This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
