you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
