his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
