The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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