oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
