My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
