We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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