nut hugger
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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