the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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