Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
