I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
