the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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