this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
