Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
