I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
