do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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