and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
