you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
