Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
