My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
