Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
