just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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