I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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