if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize