hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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