You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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