I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
