i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
