i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
