You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
