i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She bit a glass in half.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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