Your face is a jimmy john
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
