If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
