Non-Jews are for practice
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
