I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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