even my farts smell like vagina
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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