she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
