we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
