i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do vagina's smell?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
